Blog How to Love and Accept Yourself

How to Love and Accept Yourself

08/01/2022


Flaws:  Everybody has them.  Not a single human being is flawless, no matter how much they think otherwise. The key with flaws is owning them, accepting them, and using them to your advantage. But how? Especially when you are your own worst critic. Furthermore, you are conditioned to believe everyone else is looking at your flaws with a magnifying glass.

What if you embrace the blemishes and imperfections and find ways to put them to work? Think it’s impossible? It wasn’t impossible for Sylvester Stallone to achieve an incredibly long and lucrative acting career when he was told he would never make it because of his slurred speech. 

Nor was it impossible for Arnold Schwarzenegger when he was told his accent was too thick. Albert Einstein was a flunky, Charles Darwin wasn’t smart enough, Marilyn Monroe was too heavy, Michael Jordan didn’t have enough talent; the list goes on. 

So why are we still wasting time persecuting ourselves for things we deem inadequate instead of celebrating our differences?

It’s time to take a good look in the mirror and get comfortable with ourselves; flaws and all. It’s high time we turn weaknesses into strengths and go full steam ahead with our goals and dreams. 

And here’s how you can get it done:

Subjective Identification - how and why is it a problem for you?

The first step in any process is to directly identify the problem. Or what we deem as the problem, flaw, blemish, or weakness. Get up close and personal with yourself. What is really bothering you about yourself? 

Is it a part of your character or a physical nature? Exactly what about this part of you is bothersome? Does it make you feel self-conscious, less beautiful, more noticeable, ashamed, embarrassed? Define it with a feeling, an emotion. Be truthful with yourself about it. It’s okay to be vulnerable; this is just you and yourself, having a heart to heart. 

Objective Analysis - how do others perceive it?

Now look at the flaw from an objective point of view. Taking a different vantage point often lightens the load a bit. It’s not as enormous as it felt before because we are looking from the outside in instead of from an emotional standpoint.

If you were an alien looking down at yourself, would you consider this as a flaw or a distinct identifier? An obscene wart or a notable peculiarity? Something atrocious or something that makes you stand out from the crowd?

Does this thing or emotion or characteristic stop you from being you or enhance who you are and who you want to be? Is it limiting you in any form or fashion? And if it is, what can you do about it? 

More importantly, are you willing to do anything about it?  Be honest with yourself and decide who really has the power; you or what you consider to be the anomaly.

Reframe & Reassign

Everybody has quirks. There is something “different” about every human on this planet. We aren’t robots with predictable programming. What a boring world that would be! Instead, we all have a distinct set of characteristics with boundless capabilities! 

When you’ve subjectively and objectively analyzed whatever is irking you, it’s time to reframe it and figure out how this singular thing can be utilized in a positive manner. 

This is obviously causing distress, so the most advantageous way of flipping it around is by making it useful. Remove the negative power and replace it with positive. 

Embrace Your Power

You have the power to change more than just your own perception of this imperfection. It doesn’t mean you have to be a national spokesperson for folks with stretch marks or a world-renowned advocate for mental health challenges, but you can! 

And if that’s a bigger bite than you’d like to take, just know that your stand on differences and uniqueness can be just what the next person fighting the same battle needs to stand on their own.  Admiring the beauty of differences in others goes a long way. 

Be the change, not the adverse effect. Point out the positive and watch the cycle ripple. Positivity is contagious, but so is negativity; so be careful which light you shine, on yourself and others.

Being flawless is an impossible feat and a complete waste of time and energy. Those resources would be much better spent on learning how to love yourself and truly accept how incredible you are! 

And what an influential part you play in how others’ may perceive their own imperfections. Sometimes it’s hard to be the voice, but you don’t have to be loud to be heard. And you certainly don’t have to be perfect to love yourself!


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Hello Friends!

Hi, my name is Melissa Ebken, and I'm so glad you found your way here. 

I am at home in the difficult spaces of peoples’ lives, willing to listen and to support those who work to grow themselves. I am a trained coach and have consulted with churches in conflict. Not your stereotypical minister, I embrace the Gospel with joy and laughter as I seek to help those around me grow in faith and understanding, always striving to leave people better than they came. An agent of wholeness, I create a safe space for people, especially those who have been marginalized, where they can understand how ridiculously loved and valued they are by God/Higher Power/Spirit, and to experience the difference that makes in life. 

I started the Pursuing Uncomfortable Podcast to share the stories of people who have faced life's most difficult challenges, to inspire you to lean into and overcome your own. It's helpful to know that you're not alone in your struggles and to see how others have navigated similar circumstances. You can listen to it here.
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