Blog 5 Reasons You Can't Get Your Needs Met

5 Reasons You Can't Get Your Needs Met


It can be frustrating when you find yourself in a situation where you have a need that is not being met. As frustrating as this is, it isn’t hopeless if you find yourself here. There are some reasons that may be keeping you from getting your needs met. 

Identifying these reasons can allow you to take the necessary steps and make the needed adjustments in order to begin getting those needs fulfilled. 

1.    Unrealistic Needs 

In some instances, it’s hard to get your needs met because the list of needs you have is unrealistic in some shape or form. This could mean that what you believe you need is not something that can actually be achieved, for instance expecting a partner or a relationship to give you a sense of purpose. In this example, purpose is something that is an internal drive and cannot be given from another person or relationship, thus expecting a person or relationship to offer you purpose and fulfillment is not realistic. 

Another example of an unrealistic goal is expecting a certain need to be met by a person who is unable to do so. For instance, expecting a child to offer emotional support. The nature of the parent/child relationship is not designed for the child to be an emotional support to the parent. It's possible that you have unresolved emotional wounds that need healing. If you suspect that is the case, this resource will help you to heal and resolve those inner needs.

Thus, the child is not equipped to give this and cannot fulfill this need. In either case, adjusting needs or expectations can be necessary so that the needs themselves can be met appropriately.

2.    You’re Not Vocalizing Your Needs

No one is a mind reader. If you don’t communicate what you need to the desired party then there is little to no way they will be able to fulfill those needs. Thus, it is important to set aside time with an individual or individuals in order to communicate to them what you need and how they can aid you in getting those needs met. 

3.    Lack of Clarity

An unclear need is just as bad as a need that has not been communicated. If a person is not clear about what you need or what role they can play in meeting those needs, they’ll likely be inactive altogether. Clearly outlining what you need, when you need it, and in what way you need it will eliminate any confusion and increase the chances of success all around. Allow questions from the other party so that you can provide clarity and ask questions of the other party to ensure there is understanding. 

4.    No Accountability

For some people, a lack of accountability means they will not do what they said they would do. Some people need a system or structure that will check-in with them to ensure they are following through. This can be as simple as setting deadlines or establishing a step-by-step process by which completed steps can be checked off. Knowing that they will have to answer to someone in some way regarding the needs you desire to have met will help keep them on target and give them something to work towards. 

5.    Simply Not Interested

It can be difficult to accept, but you might find it difficult to get your needs met because the other party simply is not interested in doing so. Whether they’ve determined they are not able to or simply not willing to, a party uninterested in being a part of the process of meeting your needs will not put any effort into doing so. 

The quicker you can become aware of this, the quicker you can move on to a place/person more willing or more capable of meeting your needs. 

The foundation for having your needs met is a strong spiritual connection. Whether you are religious or not, spirituality is a significant factor in your overall health and well-being. Often what you feel is an undefined restlessness that you seek to resolve. For instance, you may take on a project to experience fulfillment. At the completion of a project, you commonly do experience fulfillment, but it is fleeting. Tending to your spiritual life rounds us out in a way like no other. A healthy and vital inner-life brings peace. It gives us purpose and direction. It connects us to other people, causes, and strength that transcends our individual experience.

If you are curious about beginning a spiritual journey, or would like support on your journey, reach out to me and we will talk together. It's a lot easier with a partner. :)

Your Partner In Spiritual Health,


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Hello Friends!

Hi, my name is Melissa Ebken, and I'm so glad you found your way here. 

I am at home in the difficult spaces of peoples’ lives, willing to listen and to support those who work to grow themselves. I am a trained coach and have consulted with churches in conflict. Not your stereotypical minister, I embrace the Gospel with joy and laughter as I seek to help those around me grow in faith and understanding, always striving to leave people better than they came. An agent of wholeness, I create a safe space for people, especially those who have been marginalized, where they can understand how ridiculously loved and valued they are by God/Higher Power/Spirit, and to experience the difference that makes in life. 

I started the Pursuing Uncomfortable Podcast to share the stories of people who have faced life's most difficult challenges, to inspire you to lean into and overcome your own. It's helpful to know that you're not alone in your struggles and to see how others have navigated similar circumstances. You can listen to it here.

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