Blog Episode 21: Pursuing Your Story with Perry Power

Episode 21: Pursuing Your Story with Perry Power

04/06/2022


Links:
Follow Perry Power on Instagram @iamperrypower
If you are a victim of child sexual abuse, then you need to grab a copy of Perry's book on Amazon,
Breaking The Silence: Stories From Survivors Of Sexual Abuse

🎶 Podcast Intro: Welcome to the pursuing uncomfortable podcast, where we give you the encouragement you need to lean into the uncomfortable stuff life puts in front of you, so you can love your life. If you are ready to overcome all the yuck that keeps you up at night, you're in the right place. I am your host, Melissa Ebken let's get going. 🎶

🎶 Episode Intro: Welcome back to the pursuing uncomfortable podcast. I am your host, Melissa Ebkin and I am here every Wednesday to share a story with you of someone who has leaned into the difficult and uncomfortable situations and experiences in their life, so you can lean into and overcome your difficult situations as well. Today, I am going to introduce you to Perry Power. Perry is an amazing young man. But his story is difficult. I want to give you a warning. If you have littles around, you may want to put in the earbuds, or if you have triggers, you may want to skip this episode and rejoin us again next week. Perry's story is a difficult story to listen to. But he is an amazing human being that has overcome horrible circumstances. And I know he will inspire you. So without any further delay, let me introduce you to Perry power. 🎶

Episode

Melissa Ebken  0:05  
Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the Pursuing Uncomfortable podcast. I'm your host, Melissa Ebken. And I can't wait for you to meet Perry. Perry is an amazing human being. He lives over across the seas, so you're going to enjoy listening to his accent as well as his story. So Perry, welcome to the podcast. How are you today?

Perry Power  0:46  
Hello, Melissa. I'm fantastic. I'm doing very well. Sunday afternoon here, it's pouring down rain, which is classic England. You know, a lot of people like, awe England terrible weather. Sometimes I like to say no, we've got great weather, but today is absolutely appalling. So but I must admit, sometimes it's really nice to just sit here like I look up and I just see the raindrops from the window. And sometimes it's nice. I don't know about you. Sunday is nice is for bad weather.

Melissa Ebken  1:13  
It can be really peaceful today can be we woke up to about three inches of snow. Oh, wow. Sunday, it's gonna be sunny and almost 60. It's that time of year here in central Illinois, where you'll get a string of numbers and it could either be the daily lotto pick, or it could be the daily forecast for the week. So

Perry Power  1:35  
love it. Love it. Well, thank you for having me on.

Melissa Ebken  1:39  
Perry, you are a storyteller, an author, a coach, a charity co-founder. And you look like you should be in my youth group.

Perry Power  1:52  
I do you have a young face. I haven't hit puberty yet. But when I do, and that beard comes then. Then people okay. Yeah, he's not He doesn't look 12

Melissa Ebken  1:59  
look out world. Yeah. But you do a lot of activism and a lot of activism work, coaching storytelling? You do. You're very accomplished. And are you 30 yet? 

Perry Power  2:15  
No, I'm 27. 

Melissa Ebken  2:17  
27. That's a lot of success for your 20s. So congratulations to you.

Perry Power  2:23  
Thank you. Thank you. It's, it's an interesting one I will get into in a second. It's just an interest of mine is like that success has only come in the last, like 12 months, max two years. So yeah, we'll get into the story basis. Sometimes just like you just got to put in a lot of grit and hard work for things to just pay off.

Melissa Ebken  2:47  
Sure. How does it feel for you now to have all of those words describe you?

Perry Power  3:00  
Sometimes when like I think there's an element of like I was brought up by parents who are like Don't be the center of attention. You know, don't be the center of the party. You know, like, basically be in the shadows. If somebody offered you something, say no thank you don't want you don't put people out that way you don't want people to be looking at you. So when when I like those things get listed out there's like a small part of me used to be bigger, but over the years is getting smaller and smaller, where it's like Perry, that's uncomfortable. Like do they you know, you're not a success, you've got so much work to do. And I take the element of you've got so much work to do, and use that as a positive and try and just get rid of the rest because it's just a negative chatter that just sits there in the mind. But I am proud of myself. I think that's what it boils down to. I am proud of myself. I do pat myself on the back and and I remind myself there's a lot more work to do.

Melissa Ebken  3:53  
Yeah. Well, and it wasn't always success.

Perry Power  3:57  
No. No,

Melissa Ebken  3:59  
Perry, you had a lot of overcoming stories in your life. Where would you like to start talking about that today?

Perry Power  4:15  
Let's go back to the beginning. 

Melissa Ebken  4:16  
Sounds great. 

Perry Power  4:17  
Go back to the beginning. Where all, where all started, which is my favorite part of the story. So it all started where I was 11 years old, and I was in my nan's house. So it was my nan & step grandad that live at that house. So I was there. My stepmom was there too. She was on a couch watching TV. The couch opposite her so if you can imagine like a living room. We got two couches opposite each other, but there's like a coffee table in the middle of separating them both. Right. So my stepmom is on a couch watch TV. I'm sitting on my step grandad's lap. Watching we both watching TV. So she's watching it and out of the corner of her eye, she notices my step grandad's cigarette dropped onto the floor. And she doesn't think anything of it. She's just watching the TV still. But all of a sudden, as time goes by, she's trying to understand why he's not leaning over to pick up his cigarette, because now it's burning a hole into the carpet. And as she looks up, she sees because there's a blanket and she sees her hand, his hand moving around between my legs. And so she just sort of darted up, didn't know what to do, left the living room, went into the kitchen, and then called me as if like, she wanted to give me something from the kitchen. Then when I didn't came into the kitchen. She didn't really question me so much. She's like, I'm going to we're going to go back home. We're going home now. And she told my dad, and my dad, question, me. And I told him what happened. And it was in that moment is where the journey really started. Because when my dad said to me goes, right, what happened there stays here stays within these four walls at a house. Okay? Don't go to school, tell your friends about it. Don't tell anybody else in the family. Okay, we don't need a black cloud over the family. So just keep this here. Okay, but at that age, well, my step grandad was doing, I didn't see as abuse. I don't even know what abuse was. You know, we're talking 16 years ago now, right? So. So I said, okay, and really at that stage, my dad, more like he became the villain of the story, because I didn't see my step granddad as bad guy, I not so my dad is a bad guy, because he's told me not to be quiet. I didn't really know the issue. So it wasn't the Be quiet. That was the issue, it was a fact that he now does not allow me to go around to my nan's house. So now I can't see my nan and my step grandad. So I then basically go on to essentially live in silence. And a couple of years later in school, I was an English class. And it's funny what trauma does to us it trauma, it can make us just block out images and memories from our mind. Some of them we get to recover. And some of them we don't ever recover. And but there was this one where I was in English class. And the teacher says, write, she wants us to write a short story. And at the end of the class, you're going to hand your story in. So I write a story about a boy being abused by a family member, and I hand it in. I don't remember writing that story. I don't remember none of that. But then the school called up social services, and I then see a school counselor nearly every week, for a few years while I was at school, and only remember, like one or two of those sessions. I don't remember any of them. And then, yeah, then I go on, go throughout school. I think as I started to get older, and sexual abuse, and things like rape and things like that, you know, no consent, and all this sort of stuff, started to become more and more present on the news and out people's mouths. And you know, and I start to actually know, well, it was. And I think as that started to increase, the voices of the demons inside me started to get louder. Dude, you went through sexual abuse for a year and a half, why didn't you stop it. I remember you telling your mom that you enjoyed it. Why did you say that? You're sick, you know, you deserved it, whatever it was. And I started to listen to all these voices. And it kept me further and further in silence. And what I wanted to do essentially was, I didn't want to be reminded or see, or allow anybody else to see that abused boy. Now that led me to, you know, I didn't have conference with girls. I was a virgin for a while. And, you know, like, I didn't have many, like boys like lad friends because I wasn't confident. And, and then, I me, my mom and dad at the time we move location, we moved to a different location, where I went to a new college, there was, an I remember, on a drive day, I was like, nobody here knows me. So I can just create myself like I'm an actor, so I was going to create a character. And it's going to be an extension of me. So when I went to a new college, I was I right, I'm Perry Power, who has slept with loads of girls, who has loads of friends who doesn't care about anything. Right. And I was that person for a while. Until, you know, Lewis Howes. Pardon? Do you know Lewis Howes? No. No, Lewis Howes, he has a brand great Greatness Brand. And he's got the, the the School of Greatness podcast. And so he's like a pretty big influence now. And he brought out a book called The Mask of Masculinity. I do know that yes. Yeah. So yeah. So for anybody that's listening and doesn't know what this is just he just wrote a book basically about the masks that he's worn over the years. More, I can't remember that you gotta start with more scared the Alpha mask and a carving out of the bones of my heart. And it's about the mask that he's worn over the years to mask, the kid who was abused when he was younger. And when he was on The Ellen DeGeneres Show talking about that, I was like, Oh, wow. So that's me. That's literally me sitting in that chair talking to Ellen. Sheesh and and a, that became a time where, officially, I broke my silence because I was like, right, this ends with me, this needs to stop now.

Melissa Ebken  10:32  
Perry, you have said so many things in your story, that, that I would like to emphasize and to, to pull out and elaborate on with folks. One, this happens so much more than we realize. And two if you're a kid, or if you're an adult who had been in this situation, it was not your fault. It was not your fault. Any of any of these feelings that you feel they are natural, they were manipulated onto you. And it's not your fault. You are a human being worthy of love and appropriate affection. And anything that anybody did to violate that is an indication of them and their character not of you. You did not deserve this. You did not consent to this.

Perry Power  11:41  
Yeah, exactly. And, I think that's, that's a huge thing for people living in silence is, the longer you live in silence, the bigger those demons grow. And the bigger that they grow, the more shadow they're gonna cast over you. And the essence of the of that shadow is things like fear, things like shame, it's things like guilt. And it's like an overtime, you just believe it all, you know, and I, like, over the last four years, I have, literally, I've coached hundreds, and for my brand 1000s I mean, my my TikTok, went over to 130,000 people and, you know, one of my videos got 6 million views, and it just it just completely blew up. And it made me realize, like, I mean, I knew it was bad. You know, I knew the statistics was bad. I know that one in seven children are or had been sexually abused, you know, intra-familial one in seven, one in three to have gone through abuse, like just not not particularly sexual, but just abuse itself. So I know the numbers are bad. I know like one in seven, potentially more than that, right? But statistically speaking, its that and it's like, it's just the main thing I get when somebody lives in silence is Perry, I, nobody's going to understand. I know, he's going to be able to relate to my story, you know, and, you know, or nobody's gonna believe me, whatever it is, but it's like, when you're living in silence, and you're the only one who's on your story. That's the issue because it's like, it's me, myself and I. And if it's me, myself, and I, there's no one else included. So of course, you're gonna think nobody else can understand and nobody else can relate. Because it's me, myself and I, it's as soon as you open up that door to allow me myself and you. Me, myself and us, then all of a sudden you realize, wow, okay, I am one of many. There is a family out there who would welcome me with open arms. And that was, Listen, guys, that was a fear that I went through, that's like the point where I decided to break my silence properly to the world, which was different to my partner at the time, two different silences broken, and I'll go on to the latter in a second. But when I went on to break my silence to the world, I was just drowned in like, people just gonna laugh at this. So people are not gonna be able to, they will be like, awe he's seeking attention that didn't happen to him, right? But then, in that precise moment in time, as I was like hold on a second Perry, take a step backwards, who you breaking the silence for? Is it for them. No. It's not for their reactions. You know, it's not whether they believe me or not, it's gonna nothing to do with them. Dude, you're breaking the silence for you. Right to break the chains of the 12 year silence that you've been living in other people you can worry about them later. But their their reaction is outside your control. So control is within your control and that's your own story and your own silence, so it's time to break it.

Melissa Ebken  14:39  
That is a powerful mind shift difference right there. Do it for yourself, for your own health. When you do tell that story to someone for the first time, what do you need in a listener? If you were coming to me to share your story for the first time, what would you You want from me or from whomever is in that spot?

Perry Power  15:06  
You know? So the shift that I went through in understanding this is my answer to your question, right? So I used to I used to believe that people wanted to be fixed, who were living in silence? They're like I'm broken, I need to be fixed Perry, Can you help fix me? Right? That's what I used to think it was about. And that became so when I had literally when my TicTok blew up, like the beginning stages of my brand really sort of taken a jump up, as so many kids reached out to me No exaggeration, every single day. And it was mainly like, Thank you for sharing your story. Perry, I went through this. So thank you. I haven't but you know, I'm still inspired. I remember I remember the first kid, the very first one who reached out to me and said, Perry, I'm going through this, right, my step dad is raping me. Right, I'm going through this, right. And then and I remember reading that and I just literally just like, it just knocked me back massively, because I then suddenly felt out of my depth, I was like, Whoa, Perry, you're taking on too much? Like, you can't help this kid. what you know, you don't have a wand from Harry Potter and you just going to cure them? You know? What are, you going to do and I didn't reply back to this kid. I didn't because I couldn't do it. Right. And maybe two to three months goes by. And I remember meditating. And I said to myself, because it was just on my mind the whole time. Dude. When you broke your silence, like what I said earlier, was you doing it for other people's reactions. What I asked myself specifically was Perry, when you broke your silence, were you doing it for them, I was like, no, I was just doing it, just so I can be heard just so I can do it for me. Okay. I was like, that makes sense. And I went back, and then I spoke to that child. And and that was all they wanted. And, you know, to answer your question, off the back of that story that I just shared is that people aren't, there's always anomalies, right. But for the majority, people aren't looking to be fixed. They're just looking for someone to stand by their side. And there's as a huge difference. Absolutely. You know, so if I'm going to break my silence to someone, I don't want them to be like, Okay, here's a book, follow the steps, right? They're looking for I hear you dude, I'm going to stand by your side through this. And that is it. That's all they want.

Melissa Ebken  17:30  
As a pastor for 20 plus years, I find that to be true. In so many cases, people want someone they can speak their truth to that will just hold the space, and let them be who they are in that space. That is to how we heal to, to have a space to say who we are to declare a truth to, to say whatever we need to say. And for someone to hold that space compassionately, and empathetically. That's how we begin to heal. And I hope everyone finds that person that will that will hold that space for them. And I think Perry, you're probably a good one to do that. For a lot of folks.

Perry Power  18:17  
Oh, I say all the time. And I always will do that. My dm's, whatever is whatever social social media platform you can find me on, or where we can find my email, whatever. I am always open, my ears are always open, my heart is always open, to hear your story and stand by your side too

Melissa Ebken  18:37  
you are a gift. You are a gift. So that's not the only step in your story. what came next.

Perry Power  18:49  
So, right, so I break my silence to my girlfriend at the time. And then I've been in the world of businesses since I was 21. Right. So at that time, I went to a Business Mastermind conference. And I had a fitness company at the time, and it was essentially to help us grow our fitness business. And there was me and there was 4, 5, 6 6 or seven other people there, including the trainers and coaches. And you know, your your typical,  so it was like a four day event. And this was the morning of the first day and it was your typical. Hey guys, you want to get to know each other. So let's go around a circle and introduce yourself type of thing. And I was the last one. And I remember when it was going around, I couldn't hear anyone. I was just in my head my heart was pounding and I was just like, I just I don't know what came over me. But when they came through a said Hey Perry, its your turn, I was like, huh? They was like, hey Perry is your go okay, and I don't even really remember what I said but it was along the lines of Hi, my name is Perry and six months ago I got onto second, six months ago, I, my dad passed away. And it's kind of left me into a stage where I'm being very reflective. And when I was 10-11 years old, I was sexually abused. My step and I just went into it. And I just stared at the floor, I couldn't look at anyone. Because I couldn't even believe the words that were coming out my mouth. And I stopped speaking, and it was just silence. I say, ah shit now its like, ah, and then I look up. And the two coaches just sort of looked at each other. And then they looked at me, and they just, they just gave me like loving eyes. And I'm just like, you need to speak to a friend of ours, and apparently could this who had this speak to after his he lost his father as well. And so that was that was like the sort of second time I broke it. And I'm gonna be going sort of back and forth here, but going on to my dad. So my dad is well, I mean, he was my my best friend in every way. And but I loved the guy. I also hate the guy at the same time. We had a love hate relationship? Right?

Melissa Ebken  21:07  
I hear that's pretty common with dads. 

Perry Power  21:10  
Yeah, we're very like, in a lot of ways and very opposite in other ways. It was just an, but that's why I moved. I moved out of home when I was 19. And never moved back. Right. Because my dad, my dad, he always said that he raised me in a way that he wasn't raised. So if my dad for example, wanted to leave the house for a week, his parents wouldn't. So my nan and my step granddad's the ones I was talking to you about the abuse that his his mom and his stepdad. They wouldn't ask him, Where is he? Like, why haven't you been home? They were alcoholics and didn't care. They didn't know what was going on in life. So he did the opposite. If I ever wanted to go see my friend was their addresses, what's the mobile numbers? Do you have their parent contact information? Like he was one of those parents. Like very strict. And I'm like, Dude, I need to fly. Let me go. You know, let me go. Right. So as soon as I was 19, I just went travelling around Australia. And then when I came back, I moved into a place with my girlfriend at the time. But anyway, fast forward about. My dad started to go bit downhill, he's. I notice that his drinking got more and more and more, and he basically turned into a raging alcoholic. But he was a very, very function alcoholic, as in my stepmom had no idea he was an alcoholic until literally, like the last I think maybe six months just before his death. And he was drinking for years. Right. Now I knew he was drinking for years, because I used to be the one that would fill up. If I was ever at the house, I'd fill up the vodka bottles of water and put it back in the alcohol cupboard, so my mom wouldn't find out. And I do that for my dad, because if I didn't do it, then I was stabbing him in the back. Right. And that was kind of the things that he would lay upon me like, Dude, you're doing this, you know, if you don't do you don't love me. Alright. And so his drinking got worse. Does that, then becomes very, very negative he stayed in the house most of the time. And then it led to him having high blood pressure. Then it led to diabetes. Then four or five months later, he paramedics came around the house, his blood, his blood levels were uneven, they said we need to take him into the hospital to even back out, they put him in the back of the ambulance van. He doesn't make it to the hospital. He had a heart attack in the back of the van and he is 48 years old. He was young. Yeah, very young. So he passed away, I went through this grieving process. Now we get to where I was hoping to before when I was at this Business Mastermind conference was about six months later talked about by my dad, and then driving home. So now it's four days later driving home from the mastermind event. I was like, I'm still in this bubble of like, growth mindset from this event. Right? Because all like, you know people further along than me in life. And you know, and I was like, I need to share my story again. I'm in this mode. I'm like, I want to share my story. I need to I just need to get it out. Right? I was like, okay, I do it when I get home. I was like, ya know I wish there was a camera in the car when I was driving and just watching me just talking to myself right? I was like, no, dude, you can't do it when you get home because you know, if we do it when you get home, you're going to walk back into your old comfort bubble, right? And you're going to talk yourself out of it. You're going to sell yourself a story that you will believe right? As to why you shouldn't do it. You should be satisfied with the fact that you told people at this mastermind

Melissa Ebken  24:23  
that comfort that illusion of comfort is usually an illusion. Because it causes something so yes, lean into it lean into that uncomfortable and overcome it.

Perry Power  24:36  
Exactly. And I was like Okay, so I was driving first left, coming up, pulled over to the left pull outside of a house, get my phone put it up on my dashboard. Hit record took me seven takes the first take, I was crying and I stopped it people needn't see me I, I was still in this stage in life. I was like, I'm a man. I don't cry. Which all came from my dad. My dad was like my dad was a Cockney Londoner. He was a hard man or an odd man. He called himself right, with no rage at the beginning. And, and,

Melissa Ebken  25:06  
Ted Lasso has brought those distinctions to us over here so we get that.

Perry Power  25:14  
so its just like, I followed him in a lot of ways and So I was like, I'm not going to cry in this video and anyway, it took me seven takes and and then I publish it and put it onto Facebook. And I'm sitting there I was just like, Dude, what you doing? What you doing? What you doing? Did you should just do that. And like maybe five minutes go by and I have a look at the video 17 minutes long have a look at it. 60 Something views? And only two comments, right? So let's just say 60 views two coments. And I'm like, that's 58 People who have watched this and who haven't commented yet. That's 58 people that was probably laughing at me or saying that this isn't true. See, I just flipped it was all negative. This voice it it was was getting louder.  I had to delete this video, just delete it, you know? And then I was going to, but then it's almost as if like my I just got my phone. And I just threw it into the back of the car. Where I couldn't reach it. And I just started driving. Right? Yeah, I know. I was like, Dude, you're not caving in I threw it into the back of the car. And I just started driving. So if I wanted to reach over for the phone, I would have to pull over. So it's just another hurdle to have to jump through. Which means I probably wouldn't do it. Right, right. So. So I then drive home, maybe 15 to 20 minutes later, I drive home. And I'm outside my house and I'm like, ok deep breath Perry, get my phone. And there was like, just, it just blew up. It just blew up. And every single thing was positive. Everything was thing was like, Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for sharing us and I have so many comments saying dude, I'm going through the same thing living in silence exactly about this. Thank you for sharing this because you just helped me. You know, well you're going to help me break my silence, and that kind of for me was like, whoa, okay. Wow. Now, the big thing, now that was big. 

Yeah, that's huge! You could have talked yourself out of doing it. You could have  deleted it. There's a lot of opportunities there to have prevented that from happening at all.

I know, I wouldn't be here today with this message. Because I would have gone down a different route, if I didn't see. Exactly. And so that video goes out. And then I then visit my family home. And my stepmom was like, we've watched a video, I was like, yeah, and there's me being like, ah, what you're gonna say. So you watched the video, she goes, I didn't know that this sexual abuse went on for a year and a half. And I was confused as I wouldn't you mean, you didn't know? She goes, when I took you back to the house and you told your Dad, you told us at that time, there was the only time it happened. And I was like, wow, so even as a kid. A lot of because, I don't remember that whole. I don't remember any of that. Right? I remember like multiple times sitting on my grandad's lap and and in doing stuff, but I don't remember that specific time of my mom catching and, bringing me out. And I was like, wow, she goes, Yeah, you told us  that only happened that time. And that was just crazy. So that happened. Then maybe a week or two later go around to my auntie's house. My auntie is my dad's sister. And she also partly raised me because I was with her every single day. She's the one who took me and picked me up from school to some degree growing up. And so there we've got my auntie, you got my cousin cousin looks identical to me in a female form which, she's basically my sister. And she, Kelly, she was abused by him too, right now I always knew this, because she used to tell me, because, you she knew, that it happened to me that once she used to, you know, she found a common ground. And she used to talk to me about some of the things that he put her through, which was different styles of abuse. And I think it's because she's a female why he did different things to her compared to me. And so she's telling me all that, so now I'll go around there. And my auntie and my cousin were all sitting in the living room. And my auntie, same thing. We saw a video. I said, yeah, that's okay. She goes, You know, you aren't the only one who was abused by him. I said, I know Kelly was too, She goes, it wasn't just you two. And I was like, Who else? She goes, me. I was like, and she goes, and your dad. And then as soon as you said my dad, I was like, I just leaned back into that sofa. And then it was like, all of the dots, right? All of the dots in my story. Boom, connected. My dad became an alcoholic. Got it. I get it. Okay, and my dad told me to shut up and be quiet. Every time I brought up the story. I get it. Because I wasn't bringing up a story about what I went through. I was bringing up his wounds that he hasn't healed, right? And he told me to be quiet when I was a kid. Why? because he was quiet. So and then I realized, and then, literally, I just sat with it. As I was like, so my dad lived and died in silence. He used alcohol as a coping mechanism. And I remember when I text him, and it was just a couple of weeks before we passed I text him came to my mine, he just had an argument, my mum and he was all drunk and, and a he used to drink and drive everywhere. And I said to Dad, why on earth are you drinking so much? Right? And you go, and he literally just sent me a text back, literally, all he said, was to fight away the demons. And at that stage, I was like, what, what I told my stepmom, she's like, What demons is he talking about? Like, what? He hasn't got a hard life type of thing, right? That's all, you know. I mean, obviously, everybody has a hard life to their own degree, but like mum, I think, you know, my mom's like, a hard life to the degree where you're drinking yourself to death basically doesn't make any sense, right. But now it will make sense, you know, and that there became the person that I am today that there became my purpose that day became the reason why every single day so far for the last four years, and every single day for the rest of my life, I'll be pushing this measure down, I'll be creating more charity to create more movies, I'm creating more books, I'll be creating more movements, everything to help every single survivor of injury from an abuse or break the silence, to break the generational cycle of abuse. So that they don't live and die in silence, just like my dad did.

Melissa Ebken  31:19  
When you broke your silence, you began healing yourself, but you also began healing your family. And abuse is often handed down through generations until someone has the unbelievable courage to heal themselves. And they heal more than themselves. And this isn't a statement to say you got to do this to heal your family. No, it's not a statement like that at all. But it's a statement of when we heal ourselves, that ripples out beyond just ourselves in ways that spreads, spreads goodness and possibilities and opportunities beyond even ourselves. So I applaud you for your courage.

Perry Power  32:07  
Thank you, you're gonna make me cry, geesh. I appreciate it. I am an emotional guy. 

Melissa Ebken  32:11  
I hear ya. I'm glad this is just audio and not video. Yeah. So you survived the abuse, your dad's death, multiple failed businesses and the reality of sleeping on the floor.

Perry Power  32:32  
Hmm. Yeah. So So I mentioned before that I've been in the business game for a while for me for a while for seven years now roughly, give or take six or seven. And so I got into the entrepreneur world to finance a way to act. That was always a story I told myself, right, I tried the call center jobs while I was going to auditions just didn't work out. You know, my ego was so high, because I'm not working for anyone else. I'm not having to ask if I can go for a piss or if I can have time off for an audition might not want to be controlled or whatever. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of ego there. And how I handled things back then definitely mirrored that. But as I was like, Okay, what am I passionate about? So back then I'm you know, I'm 20-21 years old, I'm like okay, I'm passionate about fitness, I can be a personal trainer. So I went and become a qualified PT. Then I then went into the gym floor, and I was pitching clients and all that sort of good stuff. And then then basically, that's when my dad passed and my dad passed away when I was a PT. And I was out of the gym. While To be honest, I actually started to train clients at two weeks after he passed away, right? I actually went back to the gym and started PT'ing I was like, I need to get over this but I mean, I was PT'ing a few clients there for like a week or two and the gym manager came back on like a holiday and was like, dude, you're not staying here, you're going back, go back home, you know, like you're not just you, you need to deal with this and I was like, okay. So I'm back home anyway, I became a recluse I just stayed in my house. And then sorry if you can hear a dog barking I can't really there's a dog in the background. So I then moved online and I created an online fitness company called the Fit parent movement. And that was to help parents go down the same route as my dad but from like a health and fitness point of view and that is why I went to a Business Mastermind conference. But then from there that that sort of blew up in the in like in a small sense locally. I've got my story into like a local radio shows for the fitness company and that you know, that was doing well and then I moved from there I moved slowly into branding okay, it's a branding because I had fitness coaches being like dude you're so like the story that you've got is so powerful man, I'm just leading with my story I didn't really know I was doing that I was just doing it naturally. Not from like a marketing standpoint. But then as like, this could be a marketing standpoint for me, especially for fitness coaches, you know, a lot of time you become a fitness coach for for a reason and you just need to dial in that reason. So I was I was sort of following naturally wherever I was going, then basically what happened, I want to skip a few, I then launch a new business with a business partner called Matt. And our business was called Fit story. And it was about helping fitness professionals take their story and put it at the forefront of their brand. And it's called their fit story. And we and we did that for maybe like a year and a half to two years. And, you know, it was doing very well. I probably said the most success I've had up until that point in business. So you know, I was proud of it. And then then I just moved into a house. Basically, it was a silly decision financially, but I just moved into like a three bedroom house on my own. Right, just me and my dog didn't the other need it was like a big, sure, like maybe use one of them as an office. But like, it just wasn't as quite a big house, three bedroom house. And it was just I moved in there with, you know, with the idea like this business is going to skyrocket and do more. But then it was like, when I moved in there, I think was like maybe a month or two after moving in. That's when COVID happened. Right? Yeah, so the timing of all of it. So COVID happened, right? And then lockdown happened. And we was getting no new clients, all of our current clients canceled their calls. So it just just slowed right down. And then for the very first time, in five years, roughly, I had time to think and reflect. And I was like, Hold on, I came into the business game to finance an acting career. It's been five years, and I haven't been in front of the camera. I've been on stage once. How does that make any sense? Right? I just I've just been sidetracked. You know, I've lost sight of why I originally came in. And I was like, wow, and then all of a sudden this identity crisis came like huge clash internally. And then I was like, then I just became more because I realized this just the unfulfillment just became so so humongous. And I left it I'd left the business. I said to Matt, I'm leaving dude, like, just, this isn't me, I've just realized how out of alignment I've been operating. And just I can't, you know, I'm not speaking about my story, like the whole sexual abuse thing. I wasn't speaking about it, you know, it was just all about clients and about business. And like, that's not me. That's not why I'm on this planet, right? I'm on this planet to create deep impact in a way that fulfills me that's in alignment, my purpose and that wasn't okay. And so I so I left the business now. Now we get on to the how I was sleeping on the floor thing. So I just moved in. And I was I was I had a bad relationship with money at the time, because I was making money I was spending more money that was coming in. And, and basically, I had no furniture in the house. Okay, my goal was, well, next couple of months, I'm going to start buying really nice furniture for the house. But what I had done is COVID happened. So now no money was coming in. Then I decided to leave the business, which was like ok dude, you know, definitely no money's coming in. And for about maybe four to five months, I slept on the floor in a sleeping bag with a couple had one bed cushion and the other one was like sofa cushions that my girlfriend at the time had given me from her place and my dog Amara, she had her own bed. So we was literally on the wooden floor of my living room. And that just where I slept and man and it took me like I think six months in I managed to get a sofa bed. The most uncomfortable thing and then literally I might have just slept on the floor I mean, its the most uncomfortable thing in the entire world. I got it from a charity shop and I put it into the back of my boot. My boot was wide open driving like five miles an hour so it doesn't fall back on my car, taking it back home I was like, you what is my life like what is this? You know, I was halfing all my dinners with my dog. I couldn't afford food. Right? I was behind on my rent my rent was like, I don't know things like 13-1400 pounds 1400 pound a month. And I couldn't only give them 200 quid a month. That's what I was giving them you know, so I was that debt was just racking up and I wasn't paying Gas and Electric it's just it was just an absolute nightmare. And then as I was deeper into that, then my girlfriend at the time left me now that was that was huge. And the reason why I've had a lot of time to reflect since then. I've got an amazing girlfriend now by the way her name's Olivia we have been together for a year and she's she's my queen. I say all the time. She's absolutely amazing. But with the

Melissa Ebken  39:34  
Is that a treasonous statement to make for you in England, or is that is that allowed? You can say someone else's your queen?

Perry Power  39:41  
Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yes. 100%. So she, she is so she left me but I think the thing is because my life at that stage, it felt like nothing was going for it felt like it was so dark. It felt like my ex was the only light that was there she was the only hope that was there. So because she walked away. I said I can't do this anymore. That was like, that was lower than lower than the lows. I became literally die became suicidal. I remember being in a supermarket Vasco Tescos and Tesco carpark and half an hour goes by I only realized that was just sitting in my car like I wasn't anywhere on planet Earth for that half an hour and I was driving very slow. Literally all I wanted to do was drive my car into the side of this petrol station, but literally what as I was thinking that had no emotions flowing through me. I was like, its easy just do it? And but then, I was like, Amar is at home, who's gonna look after Amar, dude? She's like, the love of your life like that dog. Amazing. And as I do, you know, Amar is at home, like what you can do with her. And that was why, okay, so I go back home and open up my door, and she's all jumping, give me love and like, Dude, you can't leave her behind, you know, you can't leave her behind. And yeah, and it was very, very dark time in my life. And then, maybe two months go by three months go by and Amar's health rapidly, rapidly declines. She was throwing up and poo and blood everywhere. And she, her behavior was a mirror of her health. And she snapped at quite a few people, she bit somebody. And it was just, it was just horrible. And I just spoke to quite a few vets, quite a few behaviorists and they said dude this, ya know one this isn't your fault. And two this, this isn't like this is a this is the reflection of something that she's going through internally. Now she wasn't eating her food and she was just throwing up blood ya know nearly every day, you know. So after quite a few visits from these behaviorists, and from these two or three different vets that I spoke to, says I don't want to just trust one, but they all said the same thing. And it just got to a point where she couldn't even walk from one room to the next. And I took her down to the vet. And then they came back to me and said, We need to put her to sleep that is the best thing to do. And I just she was only four years old and and it was just it was the absolute it literally is the worst thing I've ever been through my entire life out of everything. You know, I'm a dog man through and through always have been. She was there like when my dog pup, crazy dogs. When my so my dog never ever slept by me. She always slept at the end of the room, right? But when my dad passed away that night, she came up right by me right by my side and slept with me. It's like, Ah, man. But so she and I remember going back home. And I remember walking through. And it was just living on my own with no furniture in a house where you can hear yourself talk, as in the echoes all the time is, is very lonely. But Amar helped with that. Right. But when but when I went through, and she was no longer there. It was horrible. I remember waking up the next day. I woke up in a bed the next day, fell asleep in a dog bed. And I was like, I need to get out of here. I can't stay here. So I left that house behind. And don't get me wrong. There's like, I'm an advocate for like, you know, turning your wounds into scars. You know, that's what I always talk about. But I'm also very, I'm a human being I;m very, you know, authentic and I haven't healed from from Amar. You know, I'm still definitely cut up over it. But time does heal. But anyway, so that happened. And that was just horrible. And then from there and then that's like I need family around me so and then I'm going to stay at my auntie's house, I lived on the couch for about six months just to figure out what on Earth I need to do in my life. And then from there, I then moved to a new house. So what I didn't really know what I was going to do as I bought I know what I need to do message wise, I didn't know what I need to do business wise, but message wise, I know what I need to do. So I move to a place called Guilford in Surrey, and moved into a house there and that is where I released my book. And it just came like I'd written a book. So in that before Amar had passed away in that stage, in that year of living in that house, I was like, I'm gonna write a book, Breaking the Silence, and you're gonna write and I wrote it, but I sat on it for a year because I was like, it needs to be perfect I need I need an editor and I need a designer I need all this right? I need a marketing team it needs to change the world. And but because of that perfectionism, which basic basically are just insecurities, I sat on it, didn't put it out there but when I moved with Guilford house, I was like, dude. You need to do it now. Right? You'll find a reason to not do it. And then I released a book and then literally when I released that book, game over. That's where that book led to be number one on Amazon in the sexual abuse and mental health categories in America in the USA, that led to a TEDx talk. Everything 

Melissa Ebken  45:09  
Tell us the name of that book. 

Perry Power  45:11  
It's called Breaking the Silence stories from survivors of sexual abuse.

Melissa Ebken  45:15  
And that link is available in the show notes. So just go to the description, click on that link and buy that book, if not for yourself to have it to share with someone else.

Perry Power  45:26  
Yeah, I appreciate that. Yeah, is it the book is the best way to describe the book is, is talking about how I, how it's laid out. So the book is in three parts. Part one is my story of sexual abuse and breaking my silence. Part two of the book, there's 14 stories in there from survivors of sexual abuse, half of them are named half of them unnamed. And then there's a page at the end of part two, right for the 15th story. And that is for the reader to get a pen and to write in the book their story. So they become the 15th, survivor of that book. And then part three of the book is steps, one can take there's questions in there and exercises in there that they can do and implement, to help them break their silence to themselves first, and as many ways as possible art, exercise. Poems, journaling, everything, until they get to a point when they're like right, I can break my signs to others without depending on their reaction. Right? I'm just sharing it because I want to impact and just because only make people aware, not because I need, sure, just find comfort in their response, right. And that's what that book is for.

Melissa Ebken  46:35  
That, no doubt. I have, I'm not surprised at all that that went to number one very quickly. What an amazing book, and the way that you crafted it to incorporate the stories of others and the reader. That's, that's amazing. That book is a real gift.

Perry Power  46:54  
Appreciate that. Thank you. Thank you. So yeah, so that that that book was released. And then a TEDx talk came, which is basically just breaking the silence, the same message of the book is the same message of the talk. Then what else happened from there, then I went into the media was on a front cover of two newspapers and in the Sun, which is one of our biggest media outlets in the UK. And then I launch a charity in the UK with two other co-founders, Juliet, and Sam. And that's called We Rescue Kids. So what we do is we get referrals of kids to us, and then we provide them with one of our Child Child licensed therapists, to give them therapy, right. So that's our We Rescue Kids charity. And then this year, I'm going to be launching a UK based charity, specifically for male survivors in the name in honor of my dad, to help men with healing their wounds, breaking the silence and finding a support system.

Melissa Ebken  47:55  
So again, the name of your book is Breaking the Silence. It's on Amazon, the link is in the shownotes. We Rescue Kids, the name of the charity that you've co founded with a couple of friends. And you've got another charity coming up, that'll be named after your dad. And we look forward to to seeing the success of that as well.

Perry Power  48:15  
I appreciate it. Yeah, so yeah, that'll be later on in the year. And then I've got we're working on a TV show at the moment. And writing its a 10 episode, TV show limited series, we've currently got a production team and a producer on board. And they're based out in LA. And we're getting a third writer on board. And I'll go and it will happen. It just a matter of when is you know, we're very, we're locked into the process now, which is fantastic, it is packaging that up and going to Netflix and be like, listen, you got a big base, you know, this needs to be on your platform. And, you know, we want as many of the cast and crew to be survivors of interfamilial abuse. And so it's going to impact people working on it, and it's going to impact all of the viewers watching it.

Melissa Ebken  49:03  
I cannot wait to stream that. You have to let me know when that gets on Netflix so I can share it with everyone and we can watch it and say I know him. I know him. I appreciate it. That is amazing. So Perry from from a clueless 11 year old that didn't know what was going on to being the son of an hard cockney Londoner to look at you now, an author  a storyteller. You've got charities, you're writing a limited series show that's gonna be on Netflix. And I'm declaring it's going to be on Netflix because I really believe it will

Perry Power  49:43  
speak into existence.

Melissa Ebken  49:46  
Absolutely. Your story is powerful. I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of you. Look at what a little bit of courage at the right time did. I mean I go back to that moment when You're in your car with your phone. It's so easy to hit a button and turn back. Yeah. And that pivot brought you here today. 

Perry Power  50:10  
Yeah. Yeah. And that is, it is, you know, it's funny how it's not like a. I've noticed I didn't do it like on purpose, but I've noticed me share my story everyday for four years now, right. And there's been times where I've noticed when I shared my story, and I just accidentally or whatever, for whatever reason, left out that car bit, right? And, and the times and the times where I've left that car bit in, just because it was natural to say, that always gets a comment. And it's just and at first I was always like, but why? And as I thought about it, I was like, actually, yeah, because all it took is if I did just hit that delete button, you know, that's one thing that would be game over wouldn't be here today with this message. But then another thing to throw the phone into the back of the car, right? And just force your body into action to trump over what's going on here in the mind, that's a big thing to do. And I'm like, I don't even know what came over me. It's like I thought about it, Perry, throw your car as it's just, it's just like, it's like, I was being puppeted. Right. And somebody is controlling me. Its like dude I'm going to throw your left arm backwards now. And it's just yeah, it's just crazy.

Melissa Ebken  51:17  
Yeah. And that moment brought so much healing to your family to not just you.

Perry Power  51:21  
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because Kelly, my cousin. From that video, she said to me, Perry, I want to do the same thing. And bless her heart. She's, uh, you know, she, she's, she's an Irish trooper. But she's been very, very scared of her story of it getting out there. But when she saw my video, she, she's like, I want to do the same thing. I was like, Yeah, sure. So I drove onto their house. And I sat with her at the dining room table in her living room, with the phone, with the phone on the table. And it's like, 20 to 25 minute videos on my Facebook, if you want to find it in my videos, like folder and Facebook. And she broke her silence. And her story is in the book, too. So I'm very, very proud of her. And that can happen. Like if I didn't do the video, she wouldn't have done that. Right? Yeah. So you're right.

Melissa Ebken  52:10  
Perry, I'm going to give you the last word on the podcast today. So I will let you share whatever last thought you would like to leave folks with, and I'll let you sign us off.

Perry Power  52:27  
Whatever you have been through in your story. I really hope that for those of you who find this hard to sort of listen to just allow it to just soak in and then come to terms of your own time. whatever story you have, led whatever chapters you have been through happened for a specific reason. And it wasn't to keep you living as a victim for your life. For your entire life. It wasn't, you didn't go through your chapters to live. Beneath your potential. You went through your chapters you live through the experiences that you live through, to provide you with a story that really packs a punch. If you decide to stand within your power, break through the chains that have been holding you back for so long. And use your story to change the world. You know, think people go through different things for different reasons. And we're on this planet I truly believe and I always will believe this to serve people to serve others with what we've been through. So your story can either serve you or keep you held held back. So stand within your power, be powerful and just share your story because you'll find your own healing along the way. And you'll be absolutely amazed by the amount of impacts that it can create and will create if it continues to thank you.

🎶 Episode Outro: Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. If this encouraged you, please consider subscribing to our show and leaving a rating and review so we can encourage even more people just like yourself. We drop a new episode every Wednesday so I hope you continue to drop in and be encouraged to lean into and overcome all the uncomfortable stuff life brings your way. 🎶 


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Hello Friends!

Hi, my name is Melissa Ebken, and I'm so glad you found your way here. 

I am at home in the difficult spaces of peoples’ lives, willing to listen and to support those who work to grow themselves. I am a trained coach and have consulted with churches in conflict. Not your stereotypical minister, I embrace the Gospel with joy and laughter as I seek to help those around me grow in faith and understanding, always striving to leave people better than they came. An agent of wholeness, I create a safe space for people, especially those who have been marginalized, where they can understand how ridiculously loved and valued they are by God/Higher Power/Spirit, and to experience the difference that makes in life. 

I started the Pursuing Uncomfortable Podcast to share the stories of people who have faced life's most difficult challenges, to inspire you to lean into and overcome your own. It's helpful to know that you're not alone in your struggles and to see how others have navigated similar circumstances. You can listen to it here.
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